So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
