i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
