Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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