Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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