my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize