new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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