I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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