Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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