yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
