I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
