No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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