i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
