Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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