hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
