ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
