I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ugly people sure do ruin things
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
