Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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