I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
