Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
