She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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