note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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