I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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