dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
