I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
