I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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