Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
