I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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