my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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