put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
