for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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