I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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