im drinking this country out of the recession.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
