just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
