i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
