Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
