Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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