are you still at the devil's house?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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