I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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