I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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