Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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