Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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