I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
