Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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