I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
