Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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