my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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