So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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