My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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