i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
