we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
