You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
