I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
