He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
