Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
