I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
