Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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