apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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