Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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