I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
