How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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