Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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