Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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