the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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