i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
