How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
