I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
