About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
