I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
