I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
